Employment and Other Drugs

It's Friday. Yet again.

I don't know if it's just some random urge that kicks within me or an unconscious (you mean supressed?) vibe that wants to be unleashed, but Friday, seemingly has got be a the blog day for me. For one thing, the last time I made a blog was on a Friday. And the note, purposedly, included the phrase, FUN FUN FUN. But this time, well, we'll have to figure that out.

Almost 15 days after my graduation, I am, admittedly, unemployed. Wouldn't that be a bummer? Yes, that IS a bummer, you say? Well, yeah, instantaneously and technically, that is expectedly, in the big picture, a clear and evident disappointment. And so what am I now? A bummer. A certified and official Bum, and clearly, I am here blogging about it (in case you did not notice it yet...)

When I look back, know what? Honestly, I do not have an inkling of how I managed to do all the things I used to do: travelling that far from house to school (about 2-hour ride), staying up night after night after night on the projects, thesis, case studies, juggling academic requirements along with extra-curricular activities...and still be, after all, a sane human being, capable of decent social interaction. 

In school, everything, every thing, is laid out there for you: "You do this, you do that... This is the way you do that... You get this, If you make that... IF you don't, then this is what you get..." See? There has got to be a formula for things. You know what to do, because you are told what to do, how to do it, and you're giving it a shot - best or not-  to get something out of what you've done: appreciation, recognition, fame, good image, stellar grades, and so on. Am I right or Am I right?

Well, in life, there's spontaneity (not that school is about being predictable, but...right?), no, in life, there's unpredictability, randomness, uncertainty. You do this, but you don't exactly end up with this. You work hard, but your efforts don't pay off. And it's not just about settling for something, not just being good, because there's always an opportunity to be better, to be the best. And all the while, even if you are what-you-think-and-believe is the best, when you are already the best, you're still not satisfied, you're hungry for more. And then you find out, you realized, that it never really stops, that actually, you're in school again, only this time, the stakes are higher, the games are tougher, and the only mentor you've got, is yourself.

At this point, honestly?, I don't feel like I am a 'disappointment'. Even without a job, while my contemporaries already have theirs, I am nowhere near the 'disappointment SLASH failure' thought. (I am not proud about being unemployed though. LOL.) I am unemployed because I choose to. Because I have not found a job that I REALLY like, I REALLY want, I REALLY need, one that I'm REALLY rooting for. And I am not settlingfor anything just for the heck of casting out the 'unemployed' word beside my name or omit that word in my status (unless I am a liar)...

You see, good and sound judgment, is not taught in school. What we do with our lives won't necessarily earn us a flat 1, or give us a cum laude title. We get by our everyday tasks, go to school, or attend work, make plans...we simply do what we have to do, and at the end of the day, it's not the teacher's or professor's approval or evaluation that we're looking forward to. In this School of Life, we actually, may be unconsciously or secretly, just want to be... at peace with ourselves, with that inner mentor that says, "Buddy, you've done a really good job today..." And then we do whatever it is that makes us sleep sound at night... employed or unemployed. :)